need advice on my mother please any advice?
i will start off with the story i am 38 years old and currently living with my uncle, cousin, and my mother.
my mother went bankrupt this year,after my father passed away in may 2008 she decided to give it all up her house her job everything and move to a place where there are hardly any jobs or anything to do.
we moved from las vegas nv to reno nv a whole different life that i had from what i do now.i have been seeking employment and trying for whatever opening that i can get. unfortunately their are jobs slim to none in reno.my mom has pretty much demanded that i get a job when their are hardly any and basically pay for her mistakes.i am currently in school with 2 months to go and plan on moving back to las vegas in january 2009 without my mom she wants to go back also but she has made my life living hell all she does is make me feel bad about the things i am doing and only do what she wants me to do it sounds to me that she does not want me to go out on my own but to be with her and pay for her mistakes.she vegetates cries over the past.says to me she should be dead instead of my father.whcih i do not find fair because i have done all i could for her but i am tired of this on a daily basis i want to live my own life here or whereever and she just wont seem to let me do that.dont get me wrong i love my mother but i feel its time to cut some of the string and live my own life because i owe that to myself.i have recommended counseling to my mother and then she accuses me of being cold hearted and not understanding what she is going through.any advice please as i am at my wits end??? thank you
7 Responses
teresathegreat
23 Feb 2010
lostmama
23 Feb 2010
Wait a minute. You are 38?
MOVE OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!
You are only enabling her.
MOVE OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
awommack
23 Feb 2010
talk someone
KK
23 Feb 2010
trick her into counseling. say u are going 4 u and they wanted to talk to her so they could learn more about u to help u. of course u will have to set an appointment & discuss it with the counselor 4 it all to work out. but u do have the right to ur own life but, she does need some mental help. good luck
Victory Is M
23 Feb 2010
Um, so move so far away that she can’t even hug you when she’s feeling pitifully.
The end
grits13fl
23 Feb 2010
First – if you have 2 months left of school, sign up for some English classes and practice grammar/punctuation.
You need to let her know that she is not the only one hurt by the loss of your father, but you can’t halt your life because of it. Death is a sad part of life and we all have to get past the pain of losing loved ones. It happens to people all over the world.
Weeping Willow
23 Feb 2010
I have answered this before, you have to be strong and move out, i left home at 18, gladly as my parents were worse. By 21 i was back-packing across Europe, being shot at in Zagreb, bombed in Karlovacs, mugged in Milan, swimming in France, Spain and Portugal, crossing the Alps, sleeping in Rail stations across Europe, being offered a nice time by prostitutes in Paris, traveling in India, staying in Ashrams, visiting holy people all in India, rock climbing, ab sailing, pot holing, climbing the Eiffel Tower, sitting on an Airplane with the old type engines, being thrown all over the place, climbing mountains all over the place and wandering along the canals in Venice.
If you want to do any of this get a life, stop living your moms life to keep her happy, get your own.
Karl
P.S. I am 40 and did all this before i was 35 years old.
You and your mother are both adults, and have the right to make your own decisions. She is clearly in some sort of depression, which is why she says hurtful things and doesn’t take positive action in her life. You should have sympathy for that, but you don’t need to put your entire life on hold to cater to her medical condition (harming yourself to help another doesn’t make sense in ethics).
Focus on finishing your education and building your career. Urge your mother to seek counseling and medical care for her condition. Remind her that you while you sympathize with her, no one can fix things in her life except her.